Saturday was one of the best nights I've had in awhile. Dinner and drinks at Brasa, cocktails and dancing downtown...all my favorite GaGa songs were played and I felt quite confident in my ensemble. As I climbed into bed around 4am, still intoxicated from the night's shenanigans I fell asleep trying to calculate how long I'd have to ride the bike to burn off all the meat I gorged on earlier.
Over the last week I started hitting the gym in the evenings for 60 mins and I even get up in the am to squeeze in 30 mins of cardio. I walk every chance that walking is an option...my commute to work, my night on the town, grocery shopping, etc.
Wednesday's weigh in was absolutely DEPRESSING.
I gained. I felt crushed. Defeated. Disgusted. A looser even.
I found myself crying over a f$%&ing 1lb. That evil 16oz slap in the face had me miserable. Seriously...I came home, went straight to my room, shrugged off my coat and flats and flung myself onto the bed and cried. The frustration I felt was agonizing.
My efforts were not reflected in my weight gain, however when I took my measurements I discovered I lost 2 inches from my chest, waist, and hips...half an inch on my arms too...and yet The lb. Oh how it haunts me!I realize that in the grand scheme of things 1 pound is insignificant but at that moment It was the most significant fact I was forced to face.
My goal for next week's weigh-in is 4lbs. The last thing I am going to do is give up....and every girl needs a good cry....I just wished it would have been over something else :P
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesdays were made for blogging
Fat folks are known for being jolly by nature…..and you know what I think?
F*$% that.
I have been in such a bad mood this week. Perhaps it boils down to the fact that I am an emotional eater and since I can’t eat my feelings away….they are coming to the surface with a vengeance. I am sure the fact that my computer at work likes to completely go haywire 2-4 times a day doesn’t help. Or that the IT help desk can’t figure out what the HELL IS WRONG WITH MY MACHINE YOU INCOMPETANT CONTRACTED BASTARDS!!!!!
See what I mean? This is simply one example. I can’t seem to keep my cool calm demeanor lately. In my defense I have a lot going on right now….personally and professionally, yet still I pride myself on my ability to handle life with patience and some sort of grace. Maybe I ate those things when I was inhaling my 100 calorie snack packs Sunday?
This weekend I cheated with a whopper and ice cream….and freaked myself out by stepping on one of those “Fortune Telling” scales outside the ladies restroom which registered me at 6lbs heavier than my B.L. weigh in. Why I dropped that quarter in the slot I don’t know but I did -and felt like absolute shit for the rest of the day, constantly fishing for reassurance from my shopping buddy.
Speaking of my weight loss journey, it’s been a week since I started and so far I’ve lost 3.6lbs….which is quite a feat considering that I haven’t counted my points as diligently as I should, nor have I worked out. I have been exhausted when I come home and in the morning? Man I can barely hear the alarm when it goes off at 5:30 which is alarm 1 aka the “workout alarm” . I need to take this seriously.. I mean at the rate of 3lbs a week I will have dropped 50 by the end of June but I have my heart set on 70 so…I need to step it up….only 67 lbs to go!
I came to a revelation this weekend when gabbing with a friend over breakfast. My social life revolves around food and drink. When I had bad days at work like this I would call my girls and we’d all meet up for happy hour drinks and appetizers. When someone graduates, is promoted, or celebrates a life milestone what do we do? We go out! And usually it involves food and booze. When I vacation I find myself eating all the outrageous high calorie foods the location is known for. Shiiiiiat I’m planning to head home in the next couple months and my mind is filled with visions of tri-tip, ceviche, ice cold beer and delicious chicarones with hot sauce and lime juice.
I realize that it’s not the food and drink….it’s my self control that’s the issue. I’m contemplating whether or not I should look into joining Overeaters Anonymous. I don’t want to burn my friends out with my newfound nutritional fact obsession…but I need to talk about it, I need to deal with it, I need support from other’s who are in the same situation.
Anyway, I think I’ve said my piece. Until next time
F*$% that.
I have been in such a bad mood this week. Perhaps it boils down to the fact that I am an emotional eater and since I can’t eat my feelings away….they are coming to the surface with a vengeance. I am sure the fact that my computer at work likes to completely go haywire 2-4 times a day doesn’t help. Or that the IT help desk can’t figure out what the HELL IS WRONG WITH MY MACHINE YOU INCOMPETANT CONTRACTED BASTARDS!!!!!
See what I mean? This is simply one example. I can’t seem to keep my cool calm demeanor lately. In my defense I have a lot going on right now….personally and professionally, yet still I pride myself on my ability to handle life with patience and some sort of grace. Maybe I ate those things when I was inhaling my 100 calorie snack packs Sunday?
This weekend I cheated with a whopper and ice cream….and freaked myself out by stepping on one of those “Fortune Telling” scales outside the ladies restroom which registered me at 6lbs heavier than my B.L. weigh in. Why I dropped that quarter in the slot I don’t know but I did -and felt like absolute shit for the rest of the day, constantly fishing for reassurance from my shopping buddy.
Speaking of my weight loss journey, it’s been a week since I started and so far I’ve lost 3.6lbs….which is quite a feat considering that I haven’t counted my points as diligently as I should, nor have I worked out. I have been exhausted when I come home and in the morning? Man I can barely hear the alarm when it goes off at 5:30 which is alarm 1 aka the “workout alarm” . I need to take this seriously.. I mean at the rate of 3lbs a week I will have dropped 50 by the end of June but I have my heart set on 70 so…I need to step it up….only 67 lbs to go!
I came to a revelation this weekend when gabbing with a friend over breakfast. My social life revolves around food and drink. When I had bad days at work like this I would call my girls and we’d all meet up for happy hour drinks and appetizers. When someone graduates, is promoted, or celebrates a life milestone what do we do? We go out! And usually it involves food and booze. When I vacation I find myself eating all the outrageous high calorie foods the location is known for. Shiiiiiat I’m planning to head home in the next couple months and my mind is filled with visions of tri-tip, ceviche, ice cold beer and delicious chicarones with hot sauce and lime juice.
I realize that it’s not the food and drink….it’s my self control that’s the issue. I’m contemplating whether or not I should look into joining Overeaters Anonymous. I don’t want to burn my friends out with my newfound nutritional fact obsession…but I need to talk about it, I need to deal with it, I need support from other’s who are in the same situation.
Anyway, I think I’ve said my piece. Until next time
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Biggest Looser
Last month I got an email encouraging me to join "The Biggest Looser" challenge at work and after careful consideration (of the monetary prizes...) I decided to join.
I have always been plus sized. I remember when I was in 5th grade..most of my school clothes came from the Sears girls *plus* department. Oh how I loathed those sea-foam green tags that screamed PLUS in sparkling white letters that you couldn't miss if you were standing on the other side of the store. I can still smell that faint salty hint of plus sized perspiration some of the polyester pieces accrued from countless porkers squeezing their plump asses into them. So plain, so basic, because god forbid you decorate your heavy child in anything more. As if by being plain no one would notice the girth beneath that full cut polo.
As an adult my choices have expanded greatly. My closets are filled with moderately priced separates that accentuate the good and hide the bad accordingly. In fact, I'd bet $100 that none of my slimmer friends can out dress me with the contents of their closets. And yet....how I long for the ability to not go to the back or the left of a store....the freedom to wear a large..sans the x's. For the first time in my life -I just want to be average.
I did my weigh in and scored some swag at our initial meeting. My strategy this month is to count calories with a daily intake limit..with a 60 min PM workout and at least 30 minutes in the AM....and gallons and gallons of water.
Wish me luck!
I have always been plus sized. I remember when I was in 5th grade..most of my school clothes came from the Sears girls *plus* department. Oh how I loathed those sea-foam green tags that screamed PLUS in sparkling white letters that you couldn't miss if you were standing on the other side of the store. I can still smell that faint salty hint of plus sized perspiration some of the polyester pieces accrued from countless porkers squeezing their plump asses into them. So plain, so basic, because god forbid you decorate your heavy child in anything more. As if by being plain no one would notice the girth beneath that full cut polo.
As an adult my choices have expanded greatly. My closets are filled with moderately priced separates that accentuate the good and hide the bad accordingly. In fact, I'd bet $100 that none of my slimmer friends can out dress me with the contents of their closets. And yet....how I long for the ability to not go to the back or the left of a store....the freedom to wear a large..sans the x's. For the first time in my life -I just want to be average.
I did my weigh in and scored some swag at our initial meeting. My strategy this month is to count calories with a daily intake limit..with a 60 min PM workout and at least 30 minutes in the AM....and gallons and gallons of water.
Wish me luck!
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